Beyond Baby Bonuses: What Mothers Actually Need

4/25/2025 2:16 pm

In response to the current administration's push for increasing the birthrate, I find myself thinking about what real support for families looks like. The White House is currently considering proposals for $5,000 "baby bonuses" and “motherhood medals” for those with six or more children.

 

As a mother and as Program Director of All Moms, I find these proposals both inadequate and out of touch with reality. Medals and one-time bonuses won't help a mother who can't afford childcare, who's struggling with postpartum depression, or who's exhausted from working a full day only to come home to a second shift of family care. This isn't about whether families should have more (or any) children – that deeply personal choice belongs to each family alone. It's about acknowledging the real challenges of motherhood and addressing them with meaningful solutions.

 

The Disconnect Between Policy and Reality

One-time baby bonuses don't create the sustainable support that families need to thrive. Real family support requires more than financial incentives and symbolic recognition. Parenting isn't just a population statistic to be managed through bonuses and medals—it's messy, beautiful, exhausting, and worth every second. But it's also incredibly challenging, especially without proper support systems.

 

When mothers walk through our doors at All Moms, they aren't asking how to have more children. They're wondering how to survive with the ones they have. They need affordable childcare that doesn't consume their entire paycheck, mental health support when they're drowning in emotions, and genuine community where they can show up exactly as they are—coffee stains, unwashed hair, and all.

 

That's where organizations like ours step in. We saw mothers struggling not with the decision to have children, but with the reality of raising them in a society that often celebrates motherhood without actually supporting it. Through our bi-monthly meetings (with childcare—because every mom deserves a moment to breathe and remember who she is beyond "mom"), educational workshops, and social events, we provide what policy proposals often miss: genuine human connection.

 

What Mothers Actually Need (Hint: It's Not a Medal)

I'm constantly reminded of how mothers are experts at wearing brave faces. It's only in spaces where they feel truly safe that their carefully constructed façade can soften. A mom of twin toddlers in our community—always with a smile and cheerful greeting despite her challenges—felt comfortable enough to share her truth. Two moves in a single year had disrupted whatever fragile routine they'd established. Relentless illness: COVID, fevers, allergic reactions, and stomach bugs rotated through all four family members for weeks on end. Adding to her exhaustion, she'd been awake since 3 a.m.—another night in a string of sleepless ones. She certainly wasn't thinking about having more children—she was desperately wishing for just one 'normal' week where everyone was healthy and settled, where she wasn't 'running on fumes' as she put it. What made a difference wasn't a medal or bonus, but our community's response: meals delivered throughout the week, a care package with essentials and small comforts, and visits where we offered adult conversation while helping with the twins. I share this story not because it's unique but because it's so common—this is the reality mothers face every day while our administration speculates about baby bonuses and medals.

 

The Transformation That Happens in Community

I've watched mom after mom transform through our program. I think of another mom, who first came to us barely able to make eye contact, overwhelmed by the weight of motherhood and its expectations. She sat alone and barely said a word.

 

A few months later, she was a regular at our book club and active in multiple group chats. What changed? Not government incentives or medals—what changed was that she found a place where she could both receive support and eventually give it back to others.

 

These moms don't need encouragement to have another baby—they need someone to remind them that they're not failing at the most important job they've ever had. They need to know they're not alone in finding motherhood simultaneously wonderful and overwhelming.

 

A Better Way Forward

There's no question we need policies that make it possible for moms and parents to care for their kids, go to work, and contribute to their communities. If we genuinely want to support families and address concerns about declining birthrates, let's create systems that actually make parenthood sustainable:

• Paid family and medical leave so parents can care for new babies, sick children, or aging parents without rushing back to work while still healing physically and emotionally
• Fair pay that addresses the wage gap that penalizes women, particularly mothers
• Quality, affordable child care that doesn't cost as much as college tuition
• Accessible maternal health care, including mental health resources that normalize the struggles of parenthood instead of expecting mothers to silently soldier through

All Moms can't solve all these problems—we're just a small nonprofit with a big heart. But we're showing up every day to create the kind of community that makes the journey of motherhood a little less lonely.

 

If this administration truly wants to support families, these aren't complicated questions—just ask any mom in the school pickup line or at the grocery store what would make parenthood more sustainable, and I promise you won't hear "medals" in the response.

 

Because at the end of the day, motherhood isn't about numbers. It's about nurturing human beings—and that includes nurturing the mothers themselves.